Deuteronomy 8:2-5
Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled him
And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years. Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you.
Job 5:17-18
Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves, therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal.
Things have gone all retro here and I find myself repeating the summer after senior year. As I was reading something in Deuteronomy 7, the underlining across the page caught my eye, and as I read the passage from Deut. 8, I felt a strong connection with the passage. It then reminded me of Job 5:17-18. Ironically, these were both verses dredged up in the aftermath of that summer. Ergo, in the words of the Bard(1), I find myself a throwback mess.
I am captivated by two ideas: provision and discipline (2). God intervenes to teach us a lesson. The passage is ambiguous as to who is finding out “what was in your heart,” but since God already knows “the secrets of the heart” (Psalm 44:21), would it not be a fair jump to assume that the trial was for the Israelites to better understand themselves? I know I’ve certainly learned a lot about myself in my own personal desert of unemployment. I’m proud of my tenacity, my faith, my willingness to ask questions of myself that I know will have unpleasant answers. At the same time I am frustrated at how much my follow-through sucks, that I’m about as consistent as a weathervane, and my inexcusable penchant for serialized television shows. I’m a firecracker, but I wish I had more of the attributes of a candle.
And yet God is so good. I have hungered, but have always been provided for, although ‘mana’ may be better translated as ‘beans and rice.’ Everyone talks about the mana and the quail, and the water from the rock, but I had never really thought about the more mundane provisions, the duralast clothes and the superfeet. I just realized a few weeks ago that my bank account is at roughly the same place that it was six months ago when my job opportunities first fell through. I’m not about to run through the streets crying miracle, but neither am I going to examine it too closely. It just seems somehow akin to breaking open the widow’s oil jar in order to see what was up.
Provision is not the same thing as sanction, though. As this has been a good opportunity for me to discover my strengths, it has also cast a painful spotlight on my weaknesses and shortcomings. This is an opportunity to get things right in my life, to take a hard look at sins and habits that might otherwise become lost in the daily shuffle of work and play. The desert was a purification process for the Israelites, its barrenness always contrasted against the lush abundance of the promised land. Their time in the desert was filled with great miracles that were dramatizations of everlasting truths rather than a new means of provision limited to the desert. Deut. 8:13-18 warns against them against the lie that feeding themselves by field or flock makes them any less the beneficiaries of God’s provision. What rankles me the most is that I am underperforming. I am smart, I am capable, I am motivated, I have always done well, and instead of being a success, I am a bottom feeder. I SHOULD BE MORE. The danger is that, were things to go as I planned as they went for so many of my friends, I might have said that “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me” (8:17). I would like to deny it, but every time that the spectre of jilted self-entitlement raises its ugly head, I wonder a bit more…
It is a humbling experience to know that we serve a God who cares enough to be this involved. There is no passivity here, but an active presence in our lives. The passage in Job is a reminder that this is temporary and transient, a labor of love done on my behalf. When taken in perspective, what greater love is there than one that not only accepts the obedient, but endeavors to pursue the wayward? What greater blessing is there than confidence in a God whose love for us transcends our own ability to reciprocate? I find reprieve in the knowledge that my next mistake will not be my last, and that reprieve is my inspiration to never make that next mistake.
1) Ludacris
2) I initially wrote ‘punishment,’ but ended up having to sacrifice the alliteration because I don’t think they are the same thing. Punishment is a term of justice whereby the wrong is supposed to be absolved by the punishment (commit the crime, do the time). Discipline is bringing someone back in line so that they may continue on the right path. I really should look this up, because I’m shooting from the hip here.
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