A Bad Call

Dear friends,
I just got the call from Washington Mutual(1) informing me that the position I had been interviewing for had been filled, and not by me. Needless to say, this blows. Though I admittedly feel like I just got punched in the gut(2), the nearness of Easter makes it difficult to feel too much self-pity(3). I cannot deny that I am perplexed as to why my job hunt has been such a resounding failure, and neither can I claim any great joy in seeing so many seemingly interesting and serendipitous opportunities reveal themselves as no more than phantoms. And though I feel a great aversion to over-spiritualization, I will not believe that God is not present and active in my life.

In my better moments I cannot help but believe that something good is coming. Be those thoughts a poor man’s delusions of grandeur(4) or perseverance patterned after the saints(5), I cannot say. Sometimes I think one, and sometimes the other. Now I feel as if to be my very own Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, one struggling to keep hold of a hope rooted in the future, and the other wallowing in the experiences of the near past. As time moves inexorably forward(6), the good doctor’s optimism becomes more muted and difficult to find, the beast’s nihilistic roar more difficult to ignore. Please pray for me as I fight for a faith anchored in the providence of God and independent from the frustrations that loom so large.

Footnotes
[1] Those bastards [2] Or more accurately, several inches south… [3] Leave it to Jesus to steal my pity-thunder [4] Probably [5] Doubtful [6] Ironically, in stark contrast to my life